Clash of personalities???

Im feeling disembodied, I feel like im being taken over by another, more dominant force. My derby persona is encroaching more and more in my personal life and im getting more and more confused by the day.
My everyday clothing is being taken over by shorter skirts and stripier, more vibrant socks. My rugby shirts are being relegated to the back of the wardrobe in favour of all my different roller girl t-shirts. My sensible, comfy trainers are being relegated in favour of higher heels and platform soles. What is happening to me? Is my derby persona the real me thats always been afraid to venture forth or am I being taken over by an alter ego that was made for the track?
I have always known she has been there, lurking in the background, but I have always been able to control her - she only got out to play when I was drunk or feeling really slim and confident with myself. Now she is easier to 'let out of the box' and its getting harder and harder for me to put her away!
I feel I may be taken away in a straight jacket if I tell any of my non-derby friends how I feel, but in a way, im not all that concerned if she comes out to stay.
My other self is confident, sassy and not afraid to slap men on the ass and give a sly wink someones way! She is less likely to let people walk all over her, not afraid to tell people that enough is enough - your not taking advantage of me anymore! My boyfriend likes my other self - im sure of it!!!! He likes the way she takes control...........
Does anyone else feel this way about their derby alter ego? Surely im not the only one with a clash of personalities.......

On the derby front, im injured!!!! I fell whilst jamming and buggered my knee. Im off full contact scrimmage for a few weeks. The upside, im learning the rules as im playing at being ref. I dont want to learn the rules of course - because then I cant cheat and say I didnt know that I was doing wrong!!!!!
We are about to start with a new set of fresh meat - almost at full capacity! Yay! We are officially that one step closer to posting our bout season.........in front of real live people, joe public and all that jazz.
On a personal front, im posting less than regularly as my computer died on me. Gonna have to get a new one. I feel lost, jittery and out of touch without my laptop.
Never fear tho, I will endeavour to bring you my news and gossip and my ramblings!!!!

Wake-up Call

Its a long way to fall off that pedestal you build up in your mind. That image you have of yourself speeding around the track, crossing over in all the right places, dodging and weaving through holes in the pack looking like that hot, awesome derby gal in Blood and Thunder magazine........
Until you are in that pack, trying to dodge and weave but the blocker in front of you is really good and not getting out of the way. Yes, you are speeding around the track, but you haven't yet completely mastered the art of controlling your speed and you put your hands out on impulse and slam into the back of her - if we had a Ref and we were jamming for real - that would cost me some time in the penalty box and I might have cost my team the game. Reality sucks!!! A wounded ego sucks even more.
I have to practise more, my league needs to practise more (because there is quite a lot of us in the same boat) - but how can we if we don't have the extra time in the building we have at the moment. I HATE NETBALL AND BASKETBALL and all the prissy fucking sports that have really good floors to skate on but are afraid of their floor being ripped up by skates! I hate the council for demolishing all the roller rinks and leasing out the remaining ones to useless fucking companies that keep them empty and wont share!!!! Aaarggh!
Now that I have that rant out of the way and I have projected my anger towards something else, I can get on with my blog!
Its our first time at scrimmaging properly, playing by the rules and jam times and its a bit of a let down to realise your not as good as you think you are. I'm not only bruised physically. I really need to bury my head in the rules book and get to know my jam formations. I need to remember to keep my hands to myself and I need to find holes in the pack instead of thinking I can just barge my way through. I need to remember that if I'm Pivoting, I need to control the speed of the pack and not go speeding off chasing the jammer and causing the pack to speed up also. I need to realise that as a blocker, my job is to block other blockers and make way for my Jammer and not just focus on the opposing Jammmer. Its a lot to learn, its a whole different mentality from just skating round and round and concentrating on my own ability. I have to switch to pack mentality and team mentality - not me, myself and I.
I must say also, that I'm a bit nervous of going up against some of the other teams. Fuck, they have some good blockers - I know, I was on the receiving end of them at practise! We are going to have to start forming strategies amongst our own teams and holding back some of what we have from league practise. Don't want to show our colours too early, going to have to be devious now. Its going to be hard, cause I think our girls are awesome and I want to hang out with them and skate with them all. Its not going to be long before we are splitting the practises. I don't know how its going to work with the lack of space and time, but I'm sure that will be another story. For now, im going to take my frustration out on my boyfriend..............