Thursday, October 30, 2008

Clash of personalities???

Im feeling disembodied, I feel like im being taken over by another, more dominant force. My derby persona is encroaching more and more in my personal life and im getting more and more confused by the day.
My everyday clothing is being taken over by shorter skirts and stripier, more vibrant socks. My rugby shirts are being relegated to the back of the wardrobe in favour of all my different roller girl t-shirts. My sensible, comfy trainers are being relegated in favour of higher heels and platform soles. What is happening to me? Is my derby persona the real me thats always been afraid to venture forth or am I being taken over by an alter ego that was made for the track?
I have always known she has been there, lurking in the background, but I have always been able to control her - she only got out to play when I was drunk or feeling really slim and confident with myself. Now she is easier to 'let out of the box' and its getting harder and harder for me to put her away!
I feel I may be taken away in a straight jacket if I tell any of my non-derby friends how I feel, but in a way, im not all that concerned if she comes out to stay.
My other self is confident, sassy and not afraid to slap men on the ass and give a sly wink someones way! She is less likely to let people walk all over her, not afraid to tell people that enough is enough - your not taking advantage of me anymore! My boyfriend likes my other self - im sure of it!!!! He likes the way she takes control...........
Does anyone else feel this way about their derby alter ego? Surely im not the only one with a clash of personalities.......

On the derby front, im injured!!!! I fell whilst jamming and buggered my knee. Im off full contact scrimmage for a few weeks. The upside, im learning the rules as im playing at being ref. I dont want to learn the rules of course - because then I cant cheat and say I didnt know that I was doing wrong!!!!!
We are about to start with a new set of fresh meat - almost at full capacity! Yay! We are officially that one step closer to posting our bout season.........in front of real live people, joe public and all that jazz.
On a personal front, im posting less than regularly as my computer died on me. Gonna have to get a new one. I feel lost, jittery and out of touch without my laptop.
Never fear tho, I will endeavour to bring you my news and gossip and my ramblings!!!!

2 comments:

neon stars said...

hey!
i found your blog via the richter city RD facebook and i've loved reading your blog! it's on my rss feed now :)
i'm thinking about getting into roller derby maybe when i slim down a bit more and get fit! (and learn to skate...got to overcome some childhood fears there!...i was never terribly good at organised sports at school but i think i could fit in with this one!

hope you don't mind me commenting..

cheers!
ellen

ATP said...

first of all neon stars .. JUST DO IT .. I'm a derby "freshie" in Australia I weigh about 90kg, don't exercise and have never EVER skated b4.. I've been attending training now for 5 weeks and have had nothing but support all the way! I'm not the thinest, fastest, or prettiest, but i sure don't give a damn!
Derby for me was about re-finding all those things within me that make me a more confidant outgoing person. what better way to do it than to just thrust yourself into a group of unknown women who are probably feeling exactly the same way you are!

many moons ago ( about 6 years now) B4 I knew about roller derby I moved from a small country town, interstate to a much larger city, and in a sense this forced out my "alter ego" or was it really just that the other shy me wasn't me at all?
I'm just glad I keep having these opportunities to discover new things about myself :)