Skills Test 101

Skater must have good skating posture - check
Must be able to bend at knees and hips with shoulders back - check
Must be able to swing arms fluidly - check
Have steady, confident strides and use both feet to push forward on the straightways - check.

Have a kick-ass attitude, CHECK!!!!!!

We are being skills tested at the moment. The coaches have had enough of skating round and round in circles practising T-Stops, snow ploughs etc. Not that its not important, believe me it is, but we want to scrimmage, we want to get in there and shoulder check, practise at playing Jammer, Pivot and Blocker and generally kick some derby ass!

Before we do, we need to prove that we are safe and confident on our skates and able to dodge/jump our way out of trouble or over our teammates if they fall. Safety should NEVER be under-estimated (or is that over-estimated?), look at what happened to Tequila Mockingbird.

So, skills test...... Everyone in our league is doing quite well in that area, we are pretty much all safe and able to tick the necessary boxes, just little niggly things to iron out. For example, I cant skate on one foot along the length of the straight way. I can pick up my foot if I need to avoid objects/heads etc and I can pick my foot up and skate on the other for part of the straight way, but I'm buggered if I can do it all the way! I put that down to my crappy skates and so do my coaches, so I'm not that concerned as yet. I can shoulder block, ass block and lean people out of bounds. I can fall small - a skill found out when a team mate blind sided me and knocked me clean off my skates!!! I also have a habit of catching people on the back of their arms when I'm coming in for a shoulder check from behind, but some extra work with my coach has sorted that one out. Although we are not WFTDA, we still base our skills, rules and regulations off them and its good to have a list of standards to work off. To see a list of all the rules/regulations and skills, check out http://rules.wftda.com/official-rules/
Its so good to see us all progressing so well, its giving us all hope that we will be doing this all in competition soon. Light at the end of the tunnel, as its hard setting up a new league from scratch. We don't have girls to watch bout and compete, we just have DVD's and the hope that when we do crash onto the scene, this city that we are in, wont know what hit it.............

Boot-camp continues.....

Not so sore this week. Is that because I'm getting fitter or because I wasn't skating in proper skating posture for the whole hour? Ive found that I'm exercising in between practises to try and build up my thighs - me exercising!!!! I'm allergic to exercise, or at least I was, but now I find myself practising lunges at home and on my skates in the park whenever I get some time!

Last week, I think the general public thought I had escaped from a mental institution somewhere as I was doing crossovers on the stairs of every building I was in - I don't have stairs at my place! Fantastic exercise off skates though, I would highly recommend it to anyone! I have also found my first fan. This poor boy is away from home and missing his local derby girls, we got chatting and he found out that I'm trying out for my local league. Ive never seen anyone so enthusiastic about derby - I had my first taste of what its all about. The fans are mental (in a good way) - its gonna be bigger than Jesus!

Anyway, this week at training it was all about skating low. I cant get down that low. Apparently my ass needs to be almost skimming the floor and then I need to fall on it and get back up within 3 seconds to avoid a penalty. Not only that, I have to do it without touching the floor with my hands! The mistress of torture - aka the coach - was having us skate around, then she would blow her whistle and we would all skate low, then we would T-Stop, then we would knee slide. I know I keep saying this, but I love Derby. I wish we could practise more than once a week. Oh, and I want to be a coach, I have so many bad-ass exercises lined up, my girls are gonna be lean, mean skating machines when I'm finished with them, but that will be another story. Gotta get through boot-camp first!

Feeling old

I am hurting in muscles I never knew I had. Im hurting in muscles I cant remember using! My left tricep hurts and my right ass cheek hurts and I groan like a granny when I sit down or stand up. My thighs hurt and I am waddling when I walk because I feel stiff but I love it. I love it because I know im skating properly. Knees bent - ass out and lead with your tits!!!!

We were practising one knee drops, sliding on both knees and 4 point slides. My league are reluctant to allow us fresh meat without proper knee pads to practise both knee slides without the right gear, which is fair enough, but I find myself feeling envious when I see my team mates gliding along on their 187's/888's and im stuck practising T-Stops!

Im getting better at skating - no falls this time! Im practising 4 point slides but I need to first slide on one knee before sliding on my hip and I need to support myself with my elbow as opposed to sliding with my arm out behind. Hence the sore tricep in one arm. I have also figured out that my right ass cheek hurts because that is my dominant leg, I use that one to push off and im using those muscles more than the left one. Im gonna end up with one thigh bigger than the other.

I love derby, I love skating even though I know its gonna hurt afterwards and I love my war wound, my bruise is just fading now and it has been over 10 days since my fall. In quite a sordid and bizarre way, im almost looking forward to my first fishnet burn!!!!

Fresh Meat

I have found my league. I have found my girls. We are in the process of creating our league at the moment, so its early days. The girls in my league are really cool, they skate great, they have cool gear. We are carving our place out in history and I am gonna be involved in that, in creating our identity. We are gonna rock!

I have just started on my long path to league-dom. There are other fresh-meat girls, all shit at skating thank god! We have had our chat with our coaches, introduced ourselves to each other and now we have had our first attempt on skates. It was awsome! Ive had to adjust to my new centre of gravity - with excess curves I didnt have when I was little. Ive discovered that my body doesnt react as well as it did pre-puberty!

Its all good though. I have discovered a sport that embraces curves. The bigger the ass, all the better to booty bump your skinny one out of the boundary! I fell so many times, but instead of being frowned upon, I was applauded for performing a spectacular spin, slide and fall on my (well-padded, thank god!) ass.

I didnt get any fish-net burn as I was wearing long shorts, but I did get my first derby bruise!

Long may it continue. Im getting better on my skates, its all coming back. I can perform T-Stops, I have been told I have good form when im skating and I can perform cross-overs. I have more confidence in my pads, but i still need new ones. The 187's are lookin real good about now. Ive discovered I sweat like a pig when I skate and I also turn a lovely shade of pink, but I dont care. I look hot, I am having serious fun, doing a sport that I love and im making new friends.

I love Roller Derby!

The Kit

I am here, I want to get out. I want the fishnets on show. I want to perform all these cool sliding/falling drills, T-Stops and 4 point falls. I want to shove girls aside as I blaze by them in a blur of skates and wrath. One problem - I cant skate!

I have less than adequate pads for my knees and elbows. I have ok wrist pads. I dont have a helmet or mouth guard and I have second-hand outdoor skates. I have plenty of fishnets, but they are hold-ups. I need proper gear, I need proper skates.

Last time I was on roller-skates, it was the eighties. Glitter balls were abound and roller discos were on every street corner. Duran Duran were my idols. My best friend and I would go to the roller disco every saturday, skate round and around, drink cherry cola slushies and try to look cool. Im not gonna tell you how long ago that was, but it would be safe to say that I stopped skating when most of the girls in my league were being born!

When I bought my skates, I was so excited I wore them straight away. I put them on, stepped out of the car and fell promptly on my arse!!! This cant be right, i thought. I know how to skate, I was shit-hot at skating. Why then am I sitting on my ass, in front of loads of people, feeling really stupid?